A Logan Square Mystery February 2, 2009
Posted by awkwardworld in Illannoy, Stories.trackback
That poop has been outside the gate to my apartment building for going on a month now. I didn’t think much of it at first — people have dogs, and not everyone is responsible enough to clean up after them, and there are surely stray dogs in the neighborhood — but having walked past this at least twice a day, I have had time to study it in some depth, and I come to the realization that a dog did not poop this. For one thing, I’ve been around dogs my whole life, and this does not look like dog poop. For another thing, it is way too big. For a scale comparison here it is beside my size 14 sneaker:
Huge poop. And this is after it has been snowed on, that snow has melted, and it’s been snowed on again, and that’s melted too. The foundation upon which it rests has eroded away, and surely the melting ice has taken some turd with it. This poop has shrunk over the course of a month, and it is still enormous. Look at it!
As an adult, I was content to ignore it. I live in a city now, and sometimes people are gross and poop on the sidewalk. Then last week, I made this disturbing discovery:
A second poop! Across the street from the first! But even that could be overlooked. Today, on my way back from downtown:
Is it the same offender? A copycat? All three poops are on same side of the sidewalk on St. Louis, between Schubert and Diversey. I analyzed the evidence immediately surrounding the third crime scene, which is specific enough to give me a suspect:
A drunken child with four fingers on his right hand. It is now only a matter of going from door to door on this block and speaking with parents. More on this story as it develops.
HAHA! Omg hilarious – why do people think it’s ok because there’s snow to just leave their dog’s (or their own) poop there?? There is a whole pile of it outside of Deleece near where I live where there was a lot of snow for a while. Same culprit, perhaps? I’ll keep on the lookout for a drunken child …