The Awkward World

The Hold Steady says that everyone’s a critic, but most people are DJ’s. Nowhere does this seem to be more true than in Hollywood, where the egos are too big to be contained by the very medium which inflated them. There are lots of shitty, shitty celebrity bands — Keanu Reeves’ Dogstar, Russell Crowe’s 30 Odd Foot Grunts, Jared Leto’s 30 Seconds to Mars (what is it with pretentious actors and that number?), Billy Bob Thornton’s whatever band he’s in now — but there are very few who actually get the respect as a singer that they do as an actor. Here are some that, while not necessarily amazing, don’t completely suck.

(Also: there are some folks I’ve left off this list for various reasons. Phantom Planet was famous before Jason Schwartzman ever acted, so he doesn’t count. As much as I loved Will Smith’s Men in Black rap in 7th grade, he doesn’t count either. Neither do singers who act: Tom Waits is a phenomenal actor, as are Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova, but no, they don’t count. No love for Courtney Love either.)

1. Ryan Gosling

Dead Man’s Bones – My Body’s a Zombie for You

Actually, Dead Man’s Bones is necessarily amazing. Their self-titled debut comes out on October 6^th, and it’s a tongue-in-cheek, Halloween-themed record featuring the Silverlake Conservatory of Music Children’s Choir. It sounds like a joke, but just try to listen to “My Body’s a Zombie for You” only once. It’s “My Girls” good (note to self – trademark that new catchphrase). Gosling is a wonderful, goofy actor, and Dead Man’s Bones is a wonderful, goofy album, bleeding with faux-goth themes and very real sincerity. Watch this video. Listen to that song. Buy this album when it comes out.

2. Zooey Deschanel

She & Him – Sentimental Heart

Aww, Zooey, I can tell you what to do with a sentimental heart: listen to it over and over. Anybody who saw Deschanel’s shower duet “Baby It’s Cold Outside” with Will Ferrel in Elf (or heard this achingly beautiful redub of her singing the same song with Leon Redbone) knew the lady had some pipes. But who could have seen She & Him coming? Band-name-grammar aside, Deschanel’s 2008 team-up with M. Ward resulted in one of the most critically acclaimed records of the year. Volume One overflows with charming, retro soul as big as those baby blues, and it earned her a wellspring of good will in the indie rock community. She appeared on Jenny Lewis’ solo album last year, and just this month she got married to Death Cab for Cutie’s Ben Gibbard. Go check out Volume One if you haven’t already, and I think I’ll go watch All the Real Girls again.

3. Juliette Lewis

Juliette and the Licks – Comin’ Around

If you’ve never heard Juliette and the Licks but you know who Juliette Lewis is, then her band sounds exactly like you think they would – screechy, yowling punk rock in in the vein of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Juliette is as manic a singer as she is an actress, but take one look at her schizophrenic, retina-bruising fashion sense or one listen to her poseur-rific lyrics and it’s evident that the Licks are all about style over substance. While I can’t say I would voluntarily listen to one of her albums all the way through again, she has a couple of excellent singles, like the one above. Consider her mix tape fodder. I am morbidly curious what her live show would do to me.

4. Scarlett Johansson

Scarlett Johansson – I Don’t Want to Grow Up

Hi, Tom Waits! I have such mixed feelings about Ms. Johansson, both as a singer and as an actress. I think she’s a talented actress, and back in the days of Lost in Translation and The Girl With the Pearl Earring, she was quite respected in the indie community. And I had a huge crush on her, because of that shy, sincere appeal and silver-age Hollywood looks. But she went mainstream and made a string of mediocre-to-terrible films, and she’s best known now as a glammed-up, blonde sexpot, and that ain’t the Scarlett I used to love. As a singer, she seems to be trying to reverse that image, tackling too-ambitious projects like Anywhere I Lay My Head, her 2008 debut of Tom Waits covers, and the new Break Up, an album of duets with critical darling Pete Yorn. I haven’t heard all of Break Up, but it isn’t half bad, and Anywhere was decent too, though Johansson has a lot more range as a visionary than as a singer. It’s easy to hate her for her image, but I’ve decided to respect her, tentatively. Don’t look for anything revolutionary here, but like the poor man’s She & Him, I predict Break Up will outlive the celebrity hype.

5. Matt Damon

Lustra – Scotty Doesn’t Know

I remember exactly two things about the movie Eurotrip: Michelle “Harriet the Spy” Trachtenberg all growed up, and this song, by Matt Damon’s sort-of band, Lustra. Ya see, the main character in the movie’s name is Scotty, and his girlfriend has been cheating on him for years, and he doesn’t know. And with whom was she making the beast with two backs? Gross-looking Matt Damon, or course, in one of the weirdest celebrity cameos I’ve ever seen. He even wrote a song about the affair, and about the boyfriend’s obliviousness, and debuted that song at a party in front of poor Scotty, which was how our hero learned about the whole shebang. The song keeps coming up throughout the movie, on people’s ringtones or overheard somewhere. The point is, as much as Scotty hates what the song is about, it’s impossible for him to deny how catchy it is. It is also impossible for me to deny. Not a very good movie, but one catchy damn song.

Any other good celebrity bands? Shoot me a comment, and keep those submissions coming. Next post will contain reviews from the first batch.

Peace,

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